I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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