ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
