Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
