I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
