I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
