thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
