Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
