My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
