Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration