you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.