i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
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so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.