hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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