Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
