I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
