Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
