Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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