no, he came in my armpit
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
