I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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