I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
