...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
