our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
