Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
