Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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