Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
