if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
