Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
