I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize