before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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