the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
