It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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