There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
