also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
