I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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