So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
