her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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