I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
