Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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