Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
