Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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