Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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