Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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