After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
there is glitter all over my balls
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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