God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
