just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
soo... how was my night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
