I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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