i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
