Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she smelled like a LAN party
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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