i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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