pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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