I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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