You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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