I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
