And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
