I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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