Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone came in the potted fern
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
