If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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