Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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