I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
