After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
