I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
