i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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