I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
