Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
