Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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