I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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