She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
