It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
