After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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